#timetotalk @timetochange

So around it comes again, time to talk day. As a youth worker, I deal with and talk about mental health issues all the time.

I am also open about my own mental health, having suffered five major depressive episodes in my life, and now, permanently on antidepressants.

Really, you are supposed to talk to people face to face today, but to talk in depth would feel too exposed for me, so here it is in a blog post.

The medication and my own self care, which includes prayer, mindfulness, healthy eating, regular dog walking and sleep (as much as a new mum ever gets) keeps me well.

But there in lies the thing.

I have found that talking about mental health, people tend to see it as “my thing” as in, they don’t mind me being passionate about the subject, and will listen to me talk about it… But that’s as far as it goes. People generally, I find, don’t really want to take action.

Secondly, people are great when you have a crisis. So five, nearly six years ago, when I was too depressed even to leave the house, people were very kind to me.

But when it comes to living with clinical depression, if you are well enough to work, and you look cheerful, people forget you have a chronic illness.

No one sees how much effort, how much energy it takes, just to be normal.

If I slip at all with my self care, particularly at this time of year (between December and March), I would become unwell.

And I see other people able to do so much in their lives and I think of all the things I could fit in my life if I were mentally strong enough… But I’m not.

Keeping the discipline of a balanced life is what keeps me well enough to work and to take care of my son properly.

Its so hard, actually. You don’t get medals for ordinary, even when it takes extraordinary effort to get there. People don’t realise that their starting point is my mid point.

So next time you see people being ordinary, remember, for some of us, that, in itself, is a daily achievement.

Back to blogging and the new member of Team Turnbull

Its been a while since i blogged properly… I have been busy growing and delivering our first child.

Small T is our miracle boy and today he is six weeks old. I cant even begin to tell you how grateful to God i am for his arrival.

So as you can imagine its all change in our lives, and yet we are still who we always were.. Just minus lots of sleep.

In it all i had a 30 hour labour and an emergency cesarean, while R had spinal surgery on a back injury which had left him in excruciating pain.

You would think we were disheartened and down, but the joy of small keeps our perspective and we both enjoy the good things of now and have hope for the future.

Now we have a son to share what matters to us with. Our faith, our care for God’s world expressed through being vegan and living as lightly as we can in relation to the planet.

And fun stuff… We will forever be a geek household.

So expect future posts on all such things and our adventures as parents:

Something new, something old and preferably nothing blue.

So apparently the meaning of my life starts today, as I turn 42 😊

And I am planning to take hold of this coming year with both hands.

I saw a @tearfundlife  article recently on how our lives can be a place:

where the outsider is brought close, the excluded are ushered in and the down-trodden are given refuge.


This matters a great deal to me and I want my life to be:

  a roaring fireplace of safety and warmth, rather than a mat that tells you to wipe the dirt from your feet before entering.

So figuring out what that looks like this year is my top priority.

I have other priorities, never stop learning, keep on being creative, find wonder wherever I can and stay well.

So my something new is going to be joining a flower arranging club in January.

My something old will be continuing the diploma I have been doing… well forever really. And the future learn courses I have on the go, and maybe one or two more.
Finally I intend to keep in top of my health, so no blue for me hopefully,  just the gym, proper sleep, lots of prayer and healthy food.

I wonder, what would your old, new and not blue things be?

A fresh start or, the #meaningoflife is #42

It has been a truly horrible autumn. R and I have unexpectedly and at great speed lost an immediate member of R’s family. Separately I have had to face the fact that instead of fully living the life i have, I’ve been desperately clinging to the hope that I might still have a child.
The grief of both these things has floored us. But in spite of all the darkness, Christ’s goodness has shone though. Our church has been deeply compassionate towards us, demonstrating what it really means to be God’s people, in their love for us.

I have handled a lot of all our circumstances really badly and I am grateful for a forgiving husband and a forgiving God. But now it’s time to start again, to set out  on the road once more. We will both journey with grief a good while longer, but I know that the Father has our back.

The broken pieces of our lives will be mended with the gold of Christ’s compassion and we will be called beautiful because of it.

I turn 42 on Thursday and as anyone aquainted with the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy will know, 42 is the answer to  the meaning of life…
I intend to make 42 a year of entering into  the life I have and celebrating all that God has given R and I by living in the hope that Christ has set before me. 

That, in him I can be a force for good. That through him, I can create joy, love and worship for his glory.

May the meaning of 42 be as my dad taught me years ago:

Ours the task

Others the benefit

To God the glory.

Recent  #inspirational finds 

There is always so much to see on the Internet and just put and about. I thought I would share some of the things that have inspired me recently.

Bullet journaling 

I have been organising myself using a bullet journal for the lady couple of weeks. I really like the concept and I also I like how customisable the who thing is. My day pages have a diary space, room for notes and the weather as well as a day journal and scripture  journal:

I also have some goal pages:

Action for happiness, the Blurt Foundation and TWLOHA

Have all posted cool stuff recently:


And last but not least 

The young people I work with inspire me all the time. This felted star was made by a young man in my lunch club – he had never touched a felting needle before:

The 358th year of British #Tea: time for a #mindful pause?

I see Google is celebrating the British cuppa today. Which is a good thing I think. In spite of Britain supposedly falling out of love with tea in favour of coffee, anecdotally, I know loads of people who drink both.

I like most drink coffee out and tea in. Although, i’m bucking the trend and like my teabags round (I also like them fairtrade)…

At the end of the day however, there are less tea drinkers in Britain, and why? Bcause we just cant be bothered. The Independent says:

Tea’s fading popularity is attributed to faster-paced living, a generation gap and a stodgy image. Many people these days do not want to take the time to brew tea, and even fewer will interrupt their busy days for the leisurely, civilized ritual of afternoon tea, a 19th-century invention of Anna, seventh Duchess of Bedford, who decided that tea and cakes were the best antidote to a late afternoon ”sinking feeling.”

But wait, isn’t that the point of a cup of tea? A time in the day where we can stop, and savour the moment rather than rush on by? Perhaps in our modern world we need a touch of old fashioned.

Maybe the humble British brew could in fact help us all not rush headlong into busy oblivion….

And then again perhaps it is just, a nice brew.