Everyone would like to be a better version of themselves than they are. Except for the people who want to be someone else, which of course is just a recipe for misery.
Mind you, I find the journey to a better me to be pretty frustrating at times. I can see that better life, healthier, kinder to others, calmer in myself… But it’s just not something I can manage alone.
My morning Bible reading reminded me that in fact, we aren’t meant to do these things alone. They are the fruit of the spirit. That is, as we seek God first, he is able to work out a better version of us as we go along.
It has always mattered to me, but has been brought into sharp focus as I approach the mid way point of my pregnancy.
Now I don’t just want to be a better me for my family and for the young people I work with… But R and I’s child… The one that for all these years we thought was impossible.
Even in the face of a miracle, change is mundane. Longer walks with the dogs, starting a gentle exercise routine at home and a new drive on healthy eating:
That and a renewed desire to meet each day with Jesus, knowing it isn’t by might or power that things change, but by his Spirit.
After six months we are finally moving on Thursday.
It means posts might be a bit erratic until the new year, but what I did want to share with you for four days… is the park.
It has been a strange two or three years, full of both excitement and the pain of depression followed by the long road out of it.
I have gone from dust and ashes to genuine joy at the world around me, and the park has played a significant part.
Walking there most days has allowed me a moment in the present away from the struggle of coming up for air and dealing with the causes of my illness.
Here I have found space to talk and walk with Jesus, and enjoy the beauty of his creation.
I am so grateful for it all.
I will miss this park very much, but we are moving next door to a new one! But for now, the first installment of four:
Change is a funny thing. I don’t know about you dear readers, but I’m not particularly good at it… a stuck in the mud at 38 🙂 Although I think I may have been stuck in said mud since I was a child.
It’s not change per se that I find difficult, it’s the transition I find so stressful. When I moved house a couple of years ago, I was delighted to be in a new house with a new garden and colours to choose for the living room wall… but act of moving house was horrendous.
Not everyone seems to find it horrible – our administrator had his last day today and he seemed most calm – he is in there somewhere:
But I find it all… so unsettling. Perhaps this is where, more than ever, the Bible’s words in 1 Peter 5:7 come into play:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Of course it’s easy to then worry about casting all your rubbish on Jesus, but it says those all important words: because he cares for you. And that’s the point. So today, as I find myself in a place of transition, I am telling Jesus all about my anxious thoughts, because I know he cares for me and even if I am being silly, I know in him I have a kind and patient ear.
May you find that patient heart for yourself today.